Facebook status updates

I was chatting with my friend the other day about a particularly incredible facebook status update. Status updates are places on facebook where people can update you, in a sentence or two, about what’s going on with them. It’s very like Twitter which I ranted about before. I think such updates can be put into several categories. Feel free to add some categories if you think I’ve forgotten any. And for you people who refuse to get on facebook–yes, I am talking to you, dear sister-in-law–well, this is just one more thing to prove you right. Here are the categories and some (purely made up) examples:

  • The really what I am doing category. This is the most boring but yet the most reasonable of them all. Examples are:
    • Tina is frying some eggs and then will be doing the dishes.
    • Tina just talked on the phone and is now watching TV.
    • Tina is typing in facebook (which is what all these should be).
  • The vague feeling category. Almost as boring. Examples are:
    • Tina is tired.
    • Tina is happy.
    • Tina is having a great day.
  • The mysterious category. These tell you nothing but drive you nuts with curiosity. Examples are:
    • Tina is thinking about it.
    • Tina is making the big move.
    • Tina cannot believe it.
  • The even more mysterious category. These don’t tell you much more but make you even more curious or, more likely, worried. Examples are:
    • Tina is debating making the single biggest move in her life.
    • Tina is waiting for the tests to come back and praying that they’re negative.
    • Tina is just back from the lawyer’s office.
  • The mysterious mourning/illness category. This is the worst mystery one and usually sends me off on a mad hunt to track down who is sick/dead and more info on the circumstances. Examples are:
    • Tina hopes that Pedro recovers soon and that any brain damage is not permanent.
    • Tina is hoping that Dora rests in peace.
    • Tina is saddened by the loss of her best friend. Rest in peace, dear friend.
    • Tina is sending her love to the Smith family on their loss.
  • The complaining category. I think everyone does this one from time to time but it is a slippery slope and can be done too much. Examples are:
    • Tina has not slept in 47 nights. Please someone kill me now.
    • Tina is tired of throwing up.
    • Tina has a painful boil on her leg. Going to get it lanced this afternoon.
  • The passive-aggressive category. Getting it off your chest can be helpful, I guess. Examples are:
    • Tina wishes her husband was not such an asshole (just to emphasize, totally fictional, hubby is great).
    • Tina wonders why people say hurtful things then expect you to be their friend. (Cross-referenced with the mysterious category)
    • Tina wishes people would mind their own bloody business. (Cross-referenced with the mysterious category)
  • The airing your dirty laundry category. Really, people, we can know too much. Examples are:
    • Tina wants everyone to know that she was right. Carl is the father, just like I said!
    • Tina knew that sleeping with that guy last night was a bad idea (but call me, I can’t remember your name).
    • Tina hates you Erica because you are a whore and I know what you did with my boyfriend last night, you slut!

Some people manage to make their updates funny too but I don’t have any examples I can use without stealing so I won’t. Ideally, one should mix it up a bit, changing categories from time to time and not sticking too much with one or the other. I would advise staying away from the airing your dirty laundry altogether, but that’s just me

Tina is finishing this blog post.

7 thoughts on “Facebook status updates

  1. Pingback: What is it Wednesday: Facebook | Techreluctant.com

  2. I like your rant! I think you left out the “trying to make myself feel better” category. This would include things like

    -Joan thinks the new hair cut was a bad move
    -Mary needs to lose 10 pounds

    or, my personal best status ever:

    – Cathy was just called Cougar by a group of MUN construction workers

    With this one I was really hoping for comments expressing (strongly) that I am not a cougar… didn’t get any though… 😐

    πŸ™‚ Cathy

  3. Dee, you are the queen of funny and/or mysterious status update.

    I give you “Denise is sewing her head back on”. That one had me laughing and scratching my head for a while.

  4. – Steve has left the building.
    – Steve is wising everybody wang chung tonight.
    – Steve is following the chicken across the road.

    These status updates, at all hours, are part of what draws folks to facebook. Facebook provides novice webbies a simple interface to make their own space online. Sharing pics, events, and their lives are made easy.

    As for the status updates, I’m surprised that Facebook hasn’t implemented functionality that requires status update as part of the logon process.

  5. You know, you spend way too much time on Facebook. That said, I saw you had updated your blog on (wait for it), Facebook.

    Funny stuff, Tina…and you totally stole my status update about the lanced boil!! πŸ˜‰

  6. Awesome. You are so dead-on.

    My favourite ever was a status update by my friend Craig the day after Halloween.

    “Craig is thinking the four-year-old who trick-or-treated for ‘a beer for my dad’ is going to have ISSUES!”

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